> I caught some of that thread, but I've forgotten the exact procedure for
> retrieving the errant butt-plug, perhaps I should have been taking notes?
> Anyway, prevention is the most important part - the bigger the flange the
> better (uh, so I've heard).

Find yourself a nice fresh new poster, substantial top posting and liberal
emoticon use is a good way to spot them before they fully mature. Now, take
this poster and cultivate him a nice long thread adding equal measures of
hooliganism, bigotry and homophobia. Top dress with a light Burberry Cap and
water regularly with Colt 45. After about 4 weeks you should have yourself a
good healthy newbie (best to try and bring 3 or 4 on together and pick the
healthiest specimen).

Now comes the important bit, try and pay attention.  Remove the newbie from
your growing thread and hide him in a cellar for approximately 2 weeks.
Remove all sources of food, water or light - don't be tempted to feed the
bastard or use him at any point before the 2 weeks is up as you'll only
regret it later - the shoulders tend to catch the sphincter.

When your newbie is fully emaciated and resembling a long streak of piss
remove him from your cellar. Now here is the critical part - SHOVE HIM RIGHT
UP YOUR ARSE. Feet first mind. When you can feel slight pressure in your
upper abdomen stop pushing. Your newbie is now perfectly positioned. Don't
worry about him dieing he will survive on the undigested pieces of carrot,
tomato skin and sweetcorn that pass through your large intestine.

Now when you insert a butt plug without a substantial enough flange and it
gets 'sucked in' all you need do is apply a couple of sharp raps to the
abdomen in the area where the outline of a Burberry Cap is just visible and
your newbie will push the plug back out for you.

Simple really.